nth to write here...feel like closing it down... what do you think? should i?
6.30.2006
30.6.06
WHERE ARE YOU?
yesterday i juz finish my mid-year exams. exams are never easy, this time was no exception too. haven't been having enough sleep lately coz too anxious over exams le, almost every night got nightmare, how to have good sleep? anyway i am juz too tired to think about my exams. what is done, is done, so be it. yesterday after my last paper went j8 with vivien. erm, can i say it was fun going out with her? ya actually it was, coz she's such a good entertainer with all her funny comments, or isit coz its too easy to make me laugh?
anyway, going to j8 juz reminds me about wad happened last fri and sat. though there was little talking, its still beautiful to have spend time with you. i wonder if u think so too? but i guess not. after all who are we? we are juz frenz, juz like u always tell me.
you are someone i can never fathom. never can i understand why you do the things that you do. but i will try to find the reason why.
sometimes i wonder if life will be better if i have never met you. i wonder if things will be less complicated if there was only her in your world. after all life is unpredictable. maybe if i did not appear she will not feel that way too. sometimes i really wish i can read ur mind, but i cant. because i am not observant not sensitive enough to things.
sometimes i wish that i have already disappeared from your world but u asked me, 'you dont want me as ur fren?' does it mean you want me to stay? but at times i fear u will jus leave my world without telling me. and when i know it, you are far beyond my reach, no where to be found. at times, i feel as if u have forgotten me , ignoring me. to leave or not to? to fear ur disappearance or to accept it? what am i to do? tell me!
this morning i thought i remembered you ask me out for movie, but only to realise later that it was all true, only in my dreams. if time could turn back, i would have followed my intuition, i would not have rejected your offer. how stupid i was. isit the fear in me that was hindering me? i guess so. if i could i really wished i was the person there, with you, quietly listening to you telling me how unhappy you were. but time, will never undo itself.
sometimes i dunno why i do the things i do. so i hope u ll understand. but as if you will understand. you dont even know i have this blog. you dont even have this url. wad can i expect? NOTHING!!!
note: if you dont understand what i have posted, its ok, coz i typed it all for myself to read, not for you. if u get it, so be it.
3.17.2006
17.3.06
WHERE ARE YOU?
ok, its like really long time ago when i last posted an entry here, it was during pae's o1, now is the march holidays so erm, i decided to update my blog, coz i realised vivien likes to visit my blog, so i think its time for me to undate it, then it wont bored her to death. anyway m posted back to nyjc! hey its a great place, with great environment, great teachers and most importantly WONDERFUL pple.oh u noe who i mean right? our STUDY CLUB pple rox...erm...tt really tu name was given by mingshi, so i think we juz gotta bear with it a few more days before we meet up next mon in school to create a blog, a space, a group, e-mail add...and blah blah blah tt we can think of for our group... ooooo go check it out man sometime when you are free... erm, o2 is coming, do i sound excited over it? NO! dont ask me why, i juz dont like this kind of stuff, they juz make me feel like ponning school onli....anyway...i'm stuck with my new ct...and all my old ct pple who are still in the same class as me are all ogls....erh...so i regret not handing up my ogl form... but anyway tts besides my point... the point tt i wanna make is that our study club is being separated!!!! i wanna go find the principal..... haiz... mingshi is in 0615, vivien and jie ling, 0628... me?..... 0630... oh wat a NICE arrangement... anyway i think i should be greatful to have shuning, sihui and joleen in my class (pple dont laugh at me k...u noe wat m refering to...)ok...i think m freek over pizzas so... m looking forward to the pizza nite during o2....but i reall resent tt level camp...which aims to get you out of ur comfort zone and make u do things....and i perdict them to be really horrible things... but aniway...i will jux close both eyes and go through it juz like wat i have always been doing when i go attend things i dont wanna go... erm...reason being... i want tt cert lah.... o...now listening to jj's jian.jian.dan.dan.... orh....so nice....isit singing wat i m feeling now? i dunno... but i think jovina thinks m really too numb to things liao so cannot feel any pain....erm...or should i say..mayb i do feel some pain... but in front of hy and him...i juz choose not to feel anything...i choose to be the strong character... hmm....i dunno....or mayb coz my protective shells are too thick liao...so cannot feel anything...or isit wat mr tong calls it....emotion leporsy.... i dunno... anyway... ll u care wat it is..i guess no ba... anyway i dont think u even noe i have got a blog... hey i got dis blog like for almost a year but the no. of pple who knows tt i have got a blog is really few... but anyway...tts gd too.... erm... think its time for me to go liao... i got loads of work to do! i shall continue some other time... but i juz wanna say.. WE ARE GOING TO STAND STRONG N CONTINUE TO BE FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS! [luv u pple(all my frends)]
